On failing and passing

The first time I took the NLE, I did not make it.

Why? I don't really  know for sure. I remember staying up the entire night after the results went out; I did not cry nor did I pity myself. All I did was talk to my boyfriend, telling him everything that went through my head that time - there were important things too but most of them were nonsense. The same nonsense I see when I looked at the results with my name not on it. See, for me, it didn't make sense because I studied for it and I prepared myself before the big day. But still, the results of the July 2010 NLE  slapped me hard right at my face! In my face!

But did I mope? No. I gathered my broken spirit together and gave it another shot. And finally, I passed the December 2010 NLE . Thank you very much.

Now I ask myself, what did I do different? My study habit is the same for as long as I can remember.

As realization dawned on me, I couldn't help feeling so foolish not to realize soon enough that this whole experience is God's way of reminding me of His presence in my life. Sad to say, I kind of forgot about that part.

Before I took the July 2010 NLE, there was a massive flood of emotions and dramas I had to face but did not. Apparently, by not facing those, I got myself drowned in the emotional catastrophe and have forgotten to call for His help.


It took me one big failure to realize all these. Funny and frustrating for me, but I guess that's just how most of us choose to learn - the hard way.

Breathe in, breathe out. I never actually had my heart broken like this before. Literally, my hands are numb and I can't stop trying to smile just to stop the tears threatening to spill.

How can someone I trust so much betray me? Even the most minute form of betrayal is, well, betrayal. Thinking about it, I may have some faults too. But deep down, I know in my heart where it belongs to.