I have come to the realization today that I should rid myself of all the past hurts, disappointments, and insecurities I have been keeping in my heart if I want to go on with my life with a healthy heart and happy disposition.
Las night, I was up late because I keep on going over and over in my head these silly thoughts I've been having for the last couple of weeks. I know for a fact that these silly thoughts are irrational and I should really put an end to these before i lose grip on myself.
That is why I declare from this day forward, I am throwing away all the doubts that will ever come to shadow all the positivity that I have.
This is my art of letting go.
Just how am I suppose to do that?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Like every other young girls struggling to figure life out, I have loved and lost along the way.
In my average existence, I pretty much found myself falling in love a lot of times in the past but there was only one time when it actually took a swing into the real thing.
He was my great love...and at the same time, he's also the one who got away.. or in my case, I pushed him away.
Why?
I have my reasons and he may hate me all his life for that but I just couldn't keep a relationship which most of the other people who matters to me are telling me against it. You can say I'm a coward; that I don't have a backbone to fight for the one I love but come to think of it..would you defy all reasons and your family just for that somebody?
THAT'S JUST IN THE MOVIES.
In real life, You can't.
And well, I can't. But believe me when I say, I tried. For three years, I tried. It may not be enough for some but I grew tired. I couldn't get past the challenges that that kind of life threw at me. I may be weak and selfish for what I did but I want peace and harmony in my life.
As far as moving on goes, I am now happy with my new love and life. I'm not sure if it's going to be great but one thing is for sure, I know I'm having this for keeps. :)
In my average existence, I pretty much found myself falling in love a lot of times in the past but there was only one time when it actually took a swing into the real thing.
He was my great love...and at the same time, he's also the one who got away.. or in my case, I pushed him away.
Why?
I have my reasons and he may hate me all his life for that but I just couldn't keep a relationship which most of the other people who matters to me are telling me against it. You can say I'm a coward; that I don't have a backbone to fight for the one I love but come to think of it..would you defy all reasons and your family just for that somebody?
THAT'S JUST IN THE MOVIES.
In real life, You can't.
And well, I can't. But believe me when I say, I tried. For three years, I tried. It may not be enough for some but I grew tired. I couldn't get past the challenges that that kind of life threw at me. I may be weak and selfish for what I did but I want peace and harmony in my life.
As far as moving on goes, I am now happy with my new love and life. I'm not sure if it's going to be great but one thing is for sure, I know I'm having this for keeps. :)
Friday, October 1, 2010
my thoughts on LDRs
Long distance relationship has taught me so much in love and life. Even with its inconvenience, i have come to an agreement with myself that it is the kind of relationship that works best for me.
Ever since my first ever in high school up to my present one, my relationships all fall on this category.
As i recall, it was hard..it is hard but then, i've come to live with it all these years and as observed, most people i know belong to this kind of set-up nowadays.
It's frustrating having to live on text messages, voice calls, instant messages and pictures posted on online social networks however, these things taught me the value of patience, faith, and compromise. And i can proudly say that putting up with LDRs helped me so much in my emotional maturation and stability.
I have seen a lot of people drifting apart with their friends the moment they meet the love of their lives; worst dropping some in the process of creating a world of their own wherein no one, other than themselves can be a part of. It's exciting for some time and i salute those few who still stick with each other even when the time comes that the excitement wears off.
But mostly(as observed), people get tired of that selfish world. They yearn for the company of their friends and begin to blame the other person who was once the apple of their eyes for keeping them prisoner in a world they two have actually built together.
I could have been one of those people. But then, my relationships didn't permit me to always be with my special someone thus, giving me time to be with my friends and enjoy my youth...saving me from that dreadful dead-end.
Yes, it's hard to maintain but it is rewarding after all.
Ever since my first ever in high school up to my present one, my relationships all fall on this category.
As i recall, it was hard..it is hard but then, i've come to live with it all these years and as observed, most people i know belong to this kind of set-up nowadays.
It's frustrating having to live on text messages, voice calls, instant messages and pictures posted on online social networks however, these things taught me the value of patience, faith, and compromise. And i can proudly say that putting up with LDRs helped me so much in my emotional maturation and stability.
I have seen a lot of people drifting apart with their friends the moment they meet the love of their lives; worst dropping some in the process of creating a world of their own wherein no one, other than themselves can be a part of. It's exciting for some time and i salute those few who still stick with each other even when the time comes that the excitement wears off.
But mostly(as observed), people get tired of that selfish world. They yearn for the company of their friends and begin to blame the other person who was once the apple of their eyes for keeping them prisoner in a world they two have actually built together.
I could have been one of those people. But then, my relationships didn't permit me to always be with my special someone thus, giving me time to be with my friends and enjoy my youth...saving me from that dreadful dead-end.
Yes, it's hard to maintain but it is rewarding after all.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
taking control
I've been thinking... the best way to exemplify taking control is by driving.
you take the wheel and when you want to go to the right, you just turn the wheel towards the right and there you g0 - the right way.
if only life could be just that simple, i wouldn't have these headaches and heartaches. but then again, it would lose its value. so i guess i'll just have to stop complaining and take life as it is.
meantime, i think i should start learning how to drive to make up for the fact that i can't take control of every thing that goes on with my life, especially the people around me.
you take the wheel and when you want to go to the right, you just turn the wheel towards the right and there you g0 - the right way.
if only life could be just that simple, i wouldn't have these headaches and heartaches. but then again, it would lose its value. so i guess i'll just have to stop complaining and take life as it is.
meantime, i think i should start learning how to drive to make up for the fact that i can't take control of every thing that goes on with my life, especially the people around me.
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
i can't believe i just did that!
ok so honestly i created this blogsite because i dont have an fb account where i can express this feeling i am feeling at the moment. (ive gone through all the trouble of googling a blogsite just for this since my xanga account is already unaccessible..)
first of all, i am seriously mad at my boyfriend for not telling me his whereabouts early today. i mean, that's not too much to ask right? what we have now is not easy considering the distance between us physically. the least he could do is to tell me that tiny detail dibaaaaaaaaa. texting is the lifeline of our relationship. :(
sigh.
on the other hand, im kind of losing the purpose of my decision to deactivate my fb account. im always logging in using my boyfriend's account which i believe is more unhealthy for me than using my own. a few hours ago, an ex dropped by and said hi and i replied. urgh. i could've left it alone dba?? shit. i comfort myself with the thought that i was friendly when i said it's not mark. STILL! i could have ignored it na lang gud? this is so not me! im not a jealous, nosy girlfriend im appearing to be. it makes me sad. i dont like this.
later, i told mark and good thing he was cool about it but then he had to go and tell me about his white lie and now im rumbling like an idiot. so id better shut up na. enough of this and i should really get to bed.
first of all, i am seriously mad at my boyfriend for not telling me his whereabouts early today. i mean, that's not too much to ask right? what we have now is not easy considering the distance between us physically. the least he could do is to tell me that tiny detail dibaaaaaaaaa. texting is the lifeline of our relationship. :(
sigh.
on the other hand, im kind of losing the purpose of my decision to deactivate my fb account. im always logging in using my boyfriend's account which i believe is more unhealthy for me than using my own. a few hours ago, an ex dropped by and said hi and i replied. urgh. i could've left it alone dba?? shit. i comfort myself with the thought that i was friendly when i said it's not mark. STILL! i could have ignored it na lang gud? this is so not me! im not a jealous, nosy girlfriend im appearing to be. it makes me sad. i dont like this.
later, i told mark and good thing he was cool about it but then he had to go and tell me about his white lie and now im rumbling like an idiot. so id better shut up na. enough of this and i should really get to bed.
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